Making Friends as an Adult: A Realistic Guide to Building Meaningful Connections

Let’s face it, making friends as an adult is hard. Between work schedules, family responsibilities, and the growing tendency to retreat into the comfort of our routines (and screens), friendship often takes a back seat. But meaningful connections are still very possible; they just take a different kind of effort than when we were younger.

Here’s a realistic guide to making friends as an adult: 

Accept That It’s Not Like It Used to Be and That’s Okay 

In school, we were surrounded by others in the same stages of life, with lots of unstructured time to bond. I know I personally collected friends and tried to gather as many as I could, hoping they would all last forever. But let’s face it, having just a few really good friendships is probably a lot easier than having a lot of surface-level ones.

The first step is shifting your mindset: friendship now isn’t about quantity; it’s about quality. A few deep connections will do more for your happiness than a hundred casual ones. 

Put Yourself Where People Are  

You won’t make new friends sitting at home watching Netflix (no judgment, we all need downtime). Try joining: 

• A local club or class (cooking, running, pottery, improv) 

• A co-working space 

• A hobby-based meetup group (I personally use the Timeleft app on your phone or computer to book dinner with new people) 

• Volunteering opportunities 

• Online communities with real-world meetups (Bumble BFF – also known as Bumble for Friends), book clubs, gaming, parenting forums

  
  

Showing up consistently is key. Familiarity breeds connection. 

Be Open – But Patient 

Friendships grow over time. Don’t expect instant chemistry or shared secrets after one coffee. Be curious, listen well, and follow up. A simple “Hey, I enjoyed chatting – want to grab coffee next week?” goes a long way. We’ll never get anywhere if we’re quietly hoping someone will take that first step. 

With some friends, chemistry is there on day one.

Get Comfortable With Rejection  

Not every attempt will click. Sometimes people are too busy, already socially “full,” or just not the right fit. Don’t take it personally; you’re not going to click with everybody you come into contact with. Keep trying. The right connections are worth a few awkward starts. 

Reach Out to Old Friends 

Old friends might be just a phone call away. Reaching out with a “Hey, I was thinking about you – how have you been?” can reignite relationships that slipped due to time or distance. The shared history you already have is a powerful foundation. Ask to get together for old time's sake, talk about good memories from the past and see where things go from there. You don’t know if you don’t try! 

Catching up with old friends can be fun. You can reminisce about dances from years gone by!

Be the Kind of Friend You’re Looking For 

Consistency, kindness, vulnerability, and follow-through matter. Want someone who checks in on you? Do the same for them. Friendship is reciprocal, and often what we give is what we receive. It’s not all linear though; this part takes a little bit of patience, a lot of communication, and even some boundary setting.  

Make Peace With Different Levels of Friendship 

Not every connection has to be your next best friend. Some people will be activity partners, others great to text with, and a few might become truly close. Let friendships exist on their natural level without pressure to turn every interaction into a lifelong bond. 

New Friendships Are Possible! 

Making friends as an adult can feel daunting, but it’s not impossible. With intention, vulnerability, and patience, you can build a circle that enriches your life. You don’t need a crowd, just a few people who make you feel seen and supported. 

So go ahead: send that message, join that club, say yes to that coffee. You’re not alone in wanting connection and the effort is worth it. 

Hi, I’m Claire Bruce! I work in higher education as an administrative assistant at Saint Louis University, where I truly love what I do — especially helping others and keeping things running smoothly. Outside of work, I’m passionate about travel, spending quality time with friends and family, and diving into the world of cinema. Whether I’m planning my next getaway or rewatching a favorite film, I’m all about enjoying life’s simple pleasures and meaningful moments.

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